Saturday, September 21, 2013

We all make mistakes.. Right??

So I've never really been the type to my business online . But it's like things build up so much. Idk if other moms feel the same.
Well when I was 20 I met this guy he was 31 at the time . We had fun together well at my house atleast. He was a nice guy and things started to get crazy with him. He only came over In the mornings when he got off work . After a certain time he avoided my calls. Well one weekend he was off and he said we would go out To dinner or something. Well I got stood up. Mind you he said he a as single and staying to help his sister for the time being and blah blah blah. I was young an dumb! Obvioisly!
So I didn't hear from him all weekend. So I sad Eff that , I knew what was going on. I knew him and his children's mom was back together . Welll I called  Him out on his shyt after , he decided to call Monday morning to booty call me! I'm suppose to be this mans girlfriend. His job and friends knew me and knew who I was to him.
Well any who ,  I'm the type of women that says how she feels weather it pisses someone off or not, I refuse to get hurt like what happened in my past . I told him it was over I knew he was with his children's mom all weekend. And I'm not gonna be lied to!  This man sat on the phone and cried to me. I was so mad that he kept lying and lying I just hung up and changed my number .
A month later I found out I was pregnant with his child. I was mad at myself . And I asked why did I have to be so damn stupid!! But I sucked it up . Called him and told him everything. He wanted to work things out , so as the adult that I am I tried. His children's mom knew who I was the whole entire time , he hates me and stalked me .
Our son was due in august, so he moved in to help me with the bills while I was on materiny leave, mean while he was back and forth between homes , I didn't realize this untill he stopped coming home after work in the mornings, never was I going to keep him from his other children, I wanted our child to know his brothers and sisters it was important to me.
So I kicked him out 1) he lied, and was sleeping with her again 2) he refused to help me with the bills like he was supposed to do when he moved in.
At this time I was 21 and a changed woman! I became a kick ass single mom . I moved in with my dad b/c in the process I lost my sons and I apartment , I worked late nights so I could provide for him, I would get home from work at 2am and be back up with him at 8. Thank god for my sister in law . Idk what I would of done with out her. This man has not paid child support , he's not seen his son in 2years, he's missed Christmas and birthdays. Idk other moms feel the same but I feel bad for my son that his biological father is not around, I feel like it's my fault , I should of made better choices. But I'm glad I have my son. He saved my life . He made it worth The fight and defiantly worth living!
Then in February I ment this amazing guy who took my son and I in!
We are now living together and planning a big wedding. Now we had a 6 month beautiful Littl girl.
I thnks God, my mom, and big brother every day for looking over us and making sure we have everything .
One thing I know is that their is light at the end of the tunnel, eventually! It may take awhile to see it but it's defiantly their. 💜💜💜

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Lost pt1

I feel so lost. It's just my dad and I. I don't have my mom or my big brother anymore. My life has been full of amazing memories and loss. I'm tired of missing my mom and brother. I'm tired of the vivid dream. Their so vivid that I have to ask to make sure there really dead. I know I may sound krazi but its true.
I'm strong b/c of my kids.  With out them i don't know where I would be.